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Wilde Ride (Ride, #1)

Wilde Ride (Ride, #1) - Maegan Lynn Moores 2.5 Stars

This review contains a bit of cussing, snark and possible spoilers.,

Per the author’s profile...

“As the result of a joke between three friends by the names of Jillian Moores, Maegan Rowe and Tanya Baikie, the book Wilde Ride was born.”

The H's name... Ryder Wilde.  *snort*  Seriously?  Am I on candid camera?  Are these 3 ladies just goofin' to see how much $$ they can make off us Gullible Romance Addicts with a Biker Fetish?  

And so for the first 25-50% of the book, watching the overwrought chaos and insta-love unfold... I kept thinking... is this... tongue in cheek? Parody ala 50 Shades? Is this the “joke” they refer to on their profile?

But then I said “screw it” and decided to just roll with it.

Let’s start off by saying that the authors paid a lot of tribute to KA regarding Alpha Male speak, steamroll Alphahole behavior and sex scenes.  A LOT of tribute.  Like fan-fiction level tribute.

The Outlaw M.C. portion of the story was well... weak. If your H is gonna be in an Outlaw Biker Gang he needs to be IN an Outlaw Biker Gang. Outlaw bikers aren’t driven by their moral compass by definition. Yes, it’s a romance but if you can’t take the fuckhot antihero heat stay out of the fuckhot antihero kitchen.  And yes... I know there were baddies working in the background but they were sketched so vaguely their impact was minimal to the overall read.

”He had a reaper in profile holding a scythe that pretty well covers his entire back. The word MAYHEM is inked in bold black letters up above the reaper, spanning his shoulder blades.”

This was one of my favorite shiver inducing scenes from SoA, too! Yeah, that first glimpse of Jax’s full piece in the shower... Panty melting.

The h... Ella Scott. Lordy that girl.  She was just "I'm soooo WACKY!"   A complete caricature. Props for mostly avoiding a side dish of TSTL with a character so immature and lacking in common sense. But that didn't stop all the boys from wanting to get on her even though she didn't think she was "all that pretty". AND she was a virgin.  Yup.  A never even went downtown on her boyfriend of 3 years during college Virgin. A never-even-had-an-orgasm virgin.

But guess what? No really.. GUESS!

Her first trip downtown with Ryder... she swallowed.

“Baby, you gotta stop or I’m gonna come in your mouth,” he moans, and I can feel him arching his back again.

I mumble a “Yes” around his shaft and grip his thighs, pulling him towards me.

With my signs of approval he shouts out, “Shit! The vibrations from your throat feel un-fuckin-believable!” A few seconds later, I feel his salty release hit the back of my throat and I instinctively swallow.

Sitting up shortly after, I have a huge grin on my face. I just gave my first blow job. I feel like doing a little dance. God, I’m so corny.”

Cue bruising eye roll.

Her OTT slapstick behavior made me want to grab Ryder by the back of the hair and ask him "THAT is your forever girl?  Really?!"

Cause ladies I ain't gonna lie... Ryder was just as cliche as Ella but the authors studied their Alpha Fuckhot Male Manuals and they all got B+'s on the test. The contrived plot turned his Alphafuckhotness into total cheese more than a few times but for the most part they pulled it off.   The attempt to make him a badass though... meh. In the scene where Ella has to talk Ryder down from his “rage”.... yeah I thought he was having a seizure or something.

The commotion is coming from Ryder, my Ryder. I drop the plunger and rush to his side. The pure anger I see reflected in his eyes, warns me to back up, but I can’t bear to see him in this state. I wrap my arms around him trying to snap him out of his rage. He may be pissed off at something, or hell, even me, but I know he would never physically hurt me.

“Ryder, Ryder. Babe, it’s me,” I whisper in his ear, tugging him into my body as best as I can. He doesn’t respond to me.

“Come on Ryder, talk to me. What’s got you so riled up? I’m here, we’ll figure whatever it is out,” I plead.

Several minutes pass by and I plead again.

“Ryder, talk to me. Please!”

I can feel the anger rolling off his body as he tries to calm down. After what seems like an eternity, I finally feel him relax into me.

So Ryder doesn’t quite make my book boyfriend list but in another life (story) he might have... he brought some of the fundamentals.  And it didn’t hurt that they wrote Ryder in the vision that is Tim Riggins aka Taylor Kitsch. FNL!

Did I say the plot was contrived?  Yup. I won’t bother detailing it out but toss in the kitchen sink and you’ve got it covered.

The ending. Seriously? I mean.. seriously? Yes, this is fantasyland but c’mon! When would a trained cop NOT administer CPR????

“While Diesel is holding me, other police officers arrive at the scene and about five minutes later an ambulance arrives. I watch the EMTs cut open Ryder’s shirt and place a stethoscope to his chest. They begin to move frantically, preparing the defibrillator and applying pads to his chest.”   

FIVE MINUTES LATER.... now... I ain’t no medical professional or nothin’... but that seems a long damn time to go without a oxygen to the brain.

And then with the double epi’s.

So I bet it seems like I hated this book, huh? 

But I so didn't!  

Yeah... it is a TOTAL KA rip-off.

And yeah... the word “babe” was used 974,630,378,747 times.

But... there were moments that made me laugh.

"I bet he even has that deep V highlighting his masculine selling point."   heh heh Masculine selling point...! 

"He is the David Copperfield of oral sex.  I hope he doesn't make anything disappear.  That would be a crying shame."

And moments I went "Awwwwwww".

“Babe, after the way you looked at me today thinkin’ those flowers were from me, I would do anything, and I mean anything to see that again. So here’s my turn to be the person to put that look on your face. I never thought I was a flower kind a guy, but I want to put that look on the face of the woman I love.”

And one really hot moment-on-a-bike-in-the-garage....

“Lie back against the gas tank,” he growls, pushing me down with one hand.

“This is where it’s gonna get really wild, babe,” he adds.”

“The feeling of the cool metal of the gas tank against my skin makes goose bumps rise and my nipples pucker. His naked body hovers over mine as he reaches for the handgrips. His feet anchor on the foot pegs as my legs wrap around his waist, locking my feet together behind his back. Using both the handgrips and foot pegs for leverage, Ryder then loses control and pounds himself into my body in an unmerciful tempo.”

Daaaaaaayymn.  Ride her Wild, Ryder!!!"  ( I couldn’t help myself. ) 

I read it start to finish. The quality of the writing varied wildly throughout the book but I have a high tolerance so it didn't throw me out of the story.  No cliffhanger... it had a beginning, middle and an end unlike the authors out there committing robbery with their cliffhanger endings.  No cheating. Never got bored even if my eyes did do a lot of rollin'.  

Overall, I thought Wilde Ride was kinda quirky and fun albeit totally unoriginal.  So unoriginal that I'm a little ashamed I had as much fun reading it as I did.  

Which brings me back to the beginning. Is tongue firmly in cheek?

I mean... I admit it. I’m a Gullible Romance Addict with a Biker Fetish. You want to sell me a taste of hot biker lovin’? I guess I'm your Sucker cause I totally bought it.

With the option to review, of course.